Immanuel

Immanuel.

A time to reflect, a time to take stock.
A time for laughter, a time to relax.
A time to remember the gift of your presence.
Immanuel.

Thank you Jesus, that you came to earth.
Thank you Jesus, that you became one of us.
Thank you Jesus that you showed us the way.
Immanuel.

One year past and another beginning.
One year on a new journey, a new path.
One year of trust, one year of faithfulness.
Immanuel.

Two little boys so precious to hold.
Two little boys whom bring so much joy.
Two little boys I feel inadequate to lead.
Immanuel.

A selfish wife who wants to love more.
An impatient mother who wants to learn.
A self righteous heart that yearns for humility.
Immanuel.

People so full of life and rich in culture.
People wanting to be known and loved.
People so gifted and wonderfully made.
Immanuel.

Jesus, know me.
Jesus, see me.
Jesus walk with me.

Immanuel.

To do or not to do...

I have read quite a few posts by various people who are not 'doing' Santa with their children. For us it has kinda been a no brainer. Neither Adriaan or I grew up entertaining the idea of Santa so it was never an issue for us and not an issue with the wider family either (which I know can present some significant conflicts in some families). There are a number of reasons we don't focus on Santa but I think an important one is the possibility of creating confusion between Jesus and Santa. We tell our children about Jesus - but they can't see him. We tell them about Santa and they can't see him either (except dressed up in the shops). So in some ways Santa could become more real to them than Jesus. Yet as they grow older, they begin to realise the mythical nature of Santa... so is Jesus just a myth as well? They end up associating Christmas with both Jesus and Santa and for a two or three year old this might get quite confusing. A conversation with Caelan yesterday demonstrated this quite well.

Caelan was looking at our Christmas pudding.

C: Have some cake?
Me: No, that's the pudding for Christmas day.
C: Some birthday cake?
Me: It's kinda like a birthday cake. Christmas is like Jesus' birthday.
C: I'm scared Jesus.

(Note: the day before the local fire brigade had driven down our street, with fireman and Santa walking behind the truck collecting donations. Caelan was completely freaked out about Santa. He was really scared and kept talking about him walking down the road. We don't go Christmas shopping so he hasn't seen them in the stores).

Me: You don't need to be scared of Jesus. Jesus loves you and cares for you. Why are you scared of Jesus?
C: Scared Jesus run away.
Me: What are you scared of?
C: Scared of Jesus on the road.
Me: Oh, sweetie, that wasn't Jesus, that was Santa!!

We have not talked with Caelan about Santa at all before this. He has seen Santa on Wiggles end of year show ( one year ago) and maybe on a few Christmas cards. But obviously, to my horror, he has associated Jesus and Santa with Christmas and thought they were the one and the same. Hopefully now we have been able to differentiate between them for him.

Cooking blunder

I am just in the process of making some Christmas presents - a great idea where you put dry ingredients in a jar for a muffin mix or something of the like and add a recipe for the wet ingredients.

They mainly use plain flour and baking powder. So, a small question to you budding cooks out there... what happens when you put cream of tartar in, instead of the baking powder??

Hmmm, I am thinking maybe that maybe McKenzie's should take 'Baking' off the front of the label of all these types of ingredients in the same shaped container. It can get very confusing!!

More Pay! Better Conditions!

Apparently Elisha is on strike. My only problem is I don't know what the demands are. 5am Sunday morning was the last time Elisha had a breastfeed. Since then, he has flatly refused the breast, crying and pushing me away everytime it is offered. He was having 3 feeds a day up to this point. I was probably going to drop his lunchtime one after Christmas and just be down to morning and night feeds. He's not really that happy about the whole thing himself. The last two days he has been extremely grumpy, trying to climb all over me and yet not really knowing what he wants (only what he doesn't want!!)

Googling the problem, I found that this is called a 'nursing strike' where bubs can flatly refuse to breastfeed for a variety of reasons. One of them is teething and possible sore gums. He has two teeth just about through. So I am hoping this is the issue for him and when they are through we might push through this awful stage. Apparently, these strikes usually only last 2-4 days - we are on day 3 now.

He is now over 10months old. I aim to breastfeed my kids until they are one, then go straight from breast to cup. We are so close, it is frustrating. At one point, I probably wouldn't have thought this event would worry me but it does. I feel frustrated (let alone a little sore), and a little bit grieved. I do feel a bit robbed. I might have even kept up his morning feeds for awhile longer- especially when he wakes at 5am. I could feed him and put him back in bed. This is much harder to achieve without the breastmilk. Don't really want to have to start 5am breakfasts!

So at the moment I am back to expressing breastmilk, to keep up my supply. I figure I'll do this until he cuts his teeth and maybe a day or two longer. If he still isn't interested I guess I'll call him weaned. I suppose this gives me some small insight into some of the grief other mums must feel when they have issues feeding much earlier in the bub's life. So I guess I should be grateful for 10 good months of mummy's milk.

And it is just like Elisha to do this. Caelan was my textbook baby. Elisha is my unpredictable one. Just when I think we are in some sort of pattern, he throws it out the window and changes all the rules on me. I guess he figured it was time to throw another curve ball!!

The blessing of generous hospitality

Tasmania has become a yearly 'pilgrimage' for us. 2008 was our fifth visit as a married couple. We love this part of the world. The pace, the landscape, the freshness, the stunning coastlines, its historic beauty, the food, the wine and great friends. The benefit of having been to Tassie numerous times before is that we don't feel the pressure of having to see a lot of places and travel the whole state. We are very content covering very little territory, staying in one or two places and revisiting our favourite spots.

We are very blessed to have great friends that live in Launceston. For the third year in a row, they have accommodated us for the most part of our holidays. It is a place where we are able to unwind and relax. They live in a lovely house with a stunning garden full of blooms, vegetables, chickens, ducks and rabbits! We have thought provoking and fun conversations and very much enjoy our hostess' amazing cooking. So it is a good place to go with two young children. Everything on hand that you would have at home, other kids to occupy Caelan and Elisha, someone else to do most of the planning, cooking and shopping. A real treat! We are very thankful for their generous hospitality. I am not sure whether we would do the whole stop a different place every couple of nights with young kids - let alone the cost of it!

Our friends have two daughters: Ruth (8, pictured right ) and Rebekah (5, pictured left). They are beautiful girls who were very patient and kind to our boys. They even shared their bedroom with Caelan. We went to a few parks together. One amazing park is City Park, where the photos in this post are taken. The grounds are superb and the highlights include ducks, japanese macaques monkeys, a fantastic playground and a 'train' ride and great coffee.

Saying goodbye

My grandfather's home sold recently and last monday he handed over the keys. I went over Monday morning to walk around the house and yard once more... remembering childhood games and sleepovers at granma's and granpa's. I sat outside in their peaceful garden beside their pool and wondered how to say goodbye. Knowing that saying goodbye to this place was also saying a final farewell to my grandmother who died 8 years ago.

An embrace.

Wholeness. Entirety.

A holding on. Tight.

Not letting go.

Closeness.

Imparting meaning.

An exchange of hearts.

Saying goodbye.

Leaving part of you behind.

How do you embrace a place?

Childhood memories?

Something so cherished.

Yet cannot be held.

Weakness... our greatest strength??

Well, we are back from 2 weeks in Tasmania. We had a good holiday, all in all and enjoyed being away and having a real break. A holiday with young children however, will never be completely restful - as we well know. I will probably take a few blogs over the next week to update on some of our holiday. The first will have to be what ended up consuming a lot of our thinking and energy.

In the last 6 months or so, Caelan has developed quite a number of fears - often about quite irrational things. Firstly, it was over things with loud noises, like lawn mowers, vaccum cleaners, tractors, power tools etc. It then developed into a fear of most animals (although completely inconsistent) especially when they moved towards him or made sounds - like cows mooing etc. Then perhaps because of the association Caelan made between noise and objects, he started to fear the object itself even when it was making any noise. Thus he is scared of his Opa's farm truck (even when it isn't turned on). Caelan loves all these things in toys and books - especially trucks but not in 'real life'.

So I figured the plane trip to Tassie would be interesting, but nothing prepared us for the 1.5hour journey we had with Caelan. In hindsight, I should of prepared Caelan a lot more since his last plane trip was one year ago. We talked about going on a plane. He was all excited about it and talked about it for days. He was great at the airport, getting onto the plane, he settled into his seat, proud to be doing up his seatbelt. As soon as the plane started take off, Caelan flipped out. He pretty much screamed the whole way telling us he wanted to get off the plane. He was so pretrified. It was a very traumatic experience for everyone involved. Nothing would distract him. Adriaan spent most of the journey standing in the back cabin with Caelan clinging onto him for dear life. He finally screamed himself to sleep for about 20min before we had to belt him back in for landing.

We felt horrible. There was so much fear in his eyes that could not be consoled. We could not remove him from the situation even though he was pleading to be removed. As you can imagine, contemplating the trip home took a lot of our thinking, energy and conversation during our two week stay. If there was any other way home, I would have taken it. But Caelan is just as scared of boats as he is planes. And the boat trip would take a lot longer!!

We tested some Phenergan on Caelan a few days before flying out - it had little or no effect on him!! So we knew we had to face the inevitable. We spent a number of days talking about the plane, making the plane sound fun and reading books about the plane trip. I went shopping with Caelan for special plane treats -which he could only open on the plane. The biggest hit was 'Cars' toys - Sally and Filmore. This hard work paid off. The flight home was not without fear or anxiety, but he sat on Adriaan's lap for the whole journey, played with his new cars and ate 'circles' (cheese rings). The key was keeping him from getting himself into a heightened panicked state in which we could not bring him down from. We were mentally exhausted at the end of it.

Caelan is a sensitive kid. He is prone to moodiness - his moods can change very quickly. He is cautious and doesn't take many risks without knowing some security. He seems very aware of his own body's capability and doesn't push much beyond. At present we are struggling with him saying he is scared of silly things - like 'Caelan's light' and the bath plug! My prayer for him is that his current weaknesses will become one of his greatest strengths. That God will grow in him a sensitivity to his own and others emotions, a compassionate heart, thoughtfulness, care and a good fear of God with a pronounced sense of the urgency in making Jesus' light shine.