Another dose of patience, please?

Anyone know where you can buy patience? I think I need some and maybe a chill pill or two. The last 2 and a bit weeks we have been toilet training Caelan. He's done pretty well on the whole with no. 1's. He is displaying typical boy behaviour of taking his time about it but he gets most of his 'wees' in the toilet. No 2's are a whole different arena. He simply refuses to do them in the toilet or potty. He will do them in his underwear or his nappy which he wears at sleep time. He has even started asking for a nappy to do them in! I haven't obliged, yet... I figure if he doesn't like doing them in his pants, then surely he will want to do them in the toilet...

Or not. I have just spent the last hour researching this issue on the internet. Seems like I am not alone (although it feels like it... all you people out there who's kids seems to toilet train in a few days!!) And it seems some kids will carry on like this for a year or more!! Yikes!

Yesterday, I lost my patience with Caelan. We were running to the toilet every few minutes cause he needed to do a no. 2. Yet, no success. 'Too hard', he would say. After doing this for awhile he finally does it in his pants! It's all so frustrating.

After some reading and reflecting this morning, I have realised a few things. This whole thing is not about me. It's not a reflection of my parenting skills how long it takes Caelan to go to the toilet (although I still feel that). It's about him and his readyness. He doesn't want to wear nappies, so I think he is ready, but I have to accept it's going to take a lot longer than I thought it would. Again, I have to let go of my own expectations and timing and allow Caelan to do things in his time. I need a big dose of patience and love to not turn this into a power struggle.

I have come across a few more suggestions to try and encourage him... special toys or books for the potty, letting him do a no.2 in his pants/nappy but he has to do it in the bathroom, give him a nappy to do the no. 2 and gradually move him closer to the toilet and then sit on the toilet with his nappy on to do the no.2, even cut a hole in his nappy!!

However, I think the biggest thing for me at the moment is to let go. Let go of my expectations. Let go of my feelings of inadequacy. Let go of my frustration. Let love, grace and patience take hold. I am guessing this is not the only time I will have to learn this lesson. However, if anyone has some other suggestions, I am all ears....

To do or not to do...

I have read quite a few posts by various people who are not 'doing' Santa with their children. For us it has kinda been a no brainer. Neither Adriaan or I grew up entertaining the idea of Santa so it was never an issue for us and not an issue with the wider family either (which I know can present some significant conflicts in some families). There are a number of reasons we don't focus on Santa but I think an important one is the possibility of creating confusion between Jesus and Santa. We tell our children about Jesus - but they can't see him. We tell them about Santa and they can't see him either (except dressed up in the shops). So in some ways Santa could become more real to them than Jesus. Yet as they grow older, they begin to realise the mythical nature of Santa... so is Jesus just a myth as well? They end up associating Christmas with both Jesus and Santa and for a two or three year old this might get quite confusing. A conversation with Caelan yesterday demonstrated this quite well.

Caelan was looking at our Christmas pudding.

C: Have some cake?
Me: No, that's the pudding for Christmas day.
C: Some birthday cake?
Me: It's kinda like a birthday cake. Christmas is like Jesus' birthday.
C: I'm scared Jesus.

(Note: the day before the local fire brigade had driven down our street, with fireman and Santa walking behind the truck collecting donations. Caelan was completely freaked out about Santa. He was really scared and kept talking about him walking down the road. We don't go Christmas shopping so he hasn't seen them in the stores).

Me: You don't need to be scared of Jesus. Jesus loves you and cares for you. Why are you scared of Jesus?
C: Scared Jesus run away.
Me: What are you scared of?
C: Scared of Jesus on the road.
Me: Oh, sweetie, that wasn't Jesus, that was Santa!!

We have not talked with Caelan about Santa at all before this. He has seen Santa on Wiggles end of year show ( one year ago) and maybe on a few Christmas cards. But obviously, to my horror, he has associated Jesus and Santa with Christmas and thought they were the one and the same. Hopefully now we have been able to differentiate between them for him.