Selling my soul?

Someone asked me (kindly) the other day whether after a year of not being the wife of a full time paid pastoral minister I felt like I had sold my soul. My answer was without hesitation. Not at all. I feel like I have gained it. Of course, this is not to say that all whom are in this position are selling their souls.... but this post is about my journey.


There are many people who do not understand the shift in life that we made one year ago now. (And that's ok by the way!) And many say we left 'full time ministry'. Some still drop hints about how wonderful it would be if we 'came back'. They see our exit as a 'step down' in the world or at least not fully realising all the gifts that God has put in us. I beg to differ with these views. I stand firm in the conviction that we left one form of full time paid ministry into another form of full time unpaid ministry.

I think it is high time that we start considering how we use words like 'ministry' and 'church'. We need to start to think about what the terms are loaded with whether there is any foundation for these meanings in the Scriptures. This post is about ministry. I'll leave church for another time.

Why have so many of us (including myself up until last year) narrowed our understanding of ministry to the activities of the formal church? What on earth has driven us to the point where we see two people going to theological college. We applaud the person who 'gives up' work in the 'secular' world to go into 'full time ministry' and the other who goes back to their job - well that's o.k., there's nothing wrong with that, we all know we can serve God anywhere - but somewhere at the back of our minds (even if we wouldn't say it out loud) we think lesser of that choice.

Why was it when I was at uni, there was a constant push for students to consider going into full time ministry? Granted not everyone has the gifts for 'full time ministry', so that's ok. You can work, financially support those with the 'gifts' - oh, and you can evangelise your workplace. I'm sorry, does anyone else find these thought processes slightly demeaning?? Please someone find me somewhere in the scriptures that supports this two tiered system! Come on, folks we all know it doesn't... Jesus came to break down barriers not put them up. So why, do we continue to perpetuate this view?

We have to come up with a way to give meaning back to the 'everyday' life. To fully support those engaged everyday with the marketplace, the world in which we were called. To call people back from feeling worthless because they don't have the right gifting for full time ministry into a space of worthiness - because Jesus and his Spirit have gifted them just as they are - no expectations to be something different but a desire to see them grow into their gifts. These people are wonderful, gifted, creative and incredible people. Yet the system makes them feel like second class citizens. How can people grow into their God given gifts with this on their shoulders?

I am going out on a limb here. An average week in the Schepel household has no night meetings, no 'church' programs, no 'bible' study, no prayer meetings, no leadership training, no evangelism training and yes, shock horror even on occasion no gathering of believers. Yet, I am fully convinced that Adriaan and I are engaged in full time ministry.

We believe we are in the exact place that God wants us right now. I am watching Adriaan grow into his role at work, growing in wisdom in his engagement with others and the earth. I am witnessing him develop skills and gifts that would never be recognised in the 'system.' We are watching God at work in the people around us. We are seeing relationships grow with our neighbours and being greatly enriched by knowing them. We are learning to love, to show the grace of Jesus, to wait on the Spirit for his promptings and timing. The absence of the things above allows us to be present and available like we have never been able to be before. We are free to know and love people just as they are with no agenda attached.

An example of this: after organising a neighbourhood Christmas party a couple of weeks back, Adriaan and I could count 33 people in the few streets around us that we knew by face and name. This is not to boast, but to show that by simply being available and making small efforts to talk and to get to know people, this is what opens up. In our previous neighbourhoods when engaged in another 'full time' ministry context we were lucky to know the name of two people!

Please, don't hear this post wrong. This is not about creating another tiered system where this type of ministry is better than the 'formal' system. The experiences, people and opportunities are different but all equally worthy of our calling. This post is about broadening our use of the term ministry, to eradicate the tiered system. I believe we are called to minister in all of life, whatever context God has placed us, be it a paid pastor, a youth worker, an oversees missionary, a mother or in the marketplace. We should be all sacrificing something of our lives for the sake of the gospel, not just those going into 'full time paid ministry'. Sure, different contexts will demand different things of us, but should not the focus be on God's glory, not on the person who is 'sacrificing so much'?

This is more than just semantics or a hobby horse of mine. I truly believe if we really consider all of what we do ministry - having arvo tea or a beer with the neighbour as well as running the kids club, then it gives something for people to grow into. It creates a space for dignity, integrity and giftedness which falls outside of the box. It removes the tension we feel in life between 'serving' at church and getting to know those around us. I have heard it expressed (and also experienced) that people are too busy or involved in 'ministry' to have much time to spend with their neighbours or friends. Don't you see if both are ministry then this tension is removed. You just do what the Spirit is calling you to. The 'church' stuff no longer has the necessary priority.

In the end, isn't our ministry what we give to God and do for him? Or is it what you do for your 'church', your minister and the expectations of what a 'committed Christian' should look like? Me, I now go for the first option. It's much more freeing. No more guilt trips. Cause in the end, we're accountable to God, right?

Thoughts?

To do or not to do...

I have read quite a few posts by various people who are not 'doing' Santa with their children. For us it has kinda been a no brainer. Neither Adriaan or I grew up entertaining the idea of Santa so it was never an issue for us and not an issue with the wider family either (which I know can present some significant conflicts in some families). There are a number of reasons we don't focus on Santa but I think an important one is the possibility of creating confusion between Jesus and Santa. We tell our children about Jesus - but they can't see him. We tell them about Santa and they can't see him either (except dressed up in the shops). So in some ways Santa could become more real to them than Jesus. Yet as they grow older, they begin to realise the mythical nature of Santa... so is Jesus just a myth as well? They end up associating Christmas with both Jesus and Santa and for a two or three year old this might get quite confusing. A conversation with Caelan yesterday demonstrated this quite well.

Caelan was looking at our Christmas pudding.

C: Have some cake?
Me: No, that's the pudding for Christmas day.
C: Some birthday cake?
Me: It's kinda like a birthday cake. Christmas is like Jesus' birthday.
C: I'm scared Jesus.

(Note: the day before the local fire brigade had driven down our street, with fireman and Santa walking behind the truck collecting donations. Caelan was completely freaked out about Santa. He was really scared and kept talking about him walking down the road. We don't go Christmas shopping so he hasn't seen them in the stores).

Me: You don't need to be scared of Jesus. Jesus loves you and cares for you. Why are you scared of Jesus?
C: Scared Jesus run away.
Me: What are you scared of?
C: Scared of Jesus on the road.
Me: Oh, sweetie, that wasn't Jesus, that was Santa!!

We have not talked with Caelan about Santa at all before this. He has seen Santa on Wiggles end of year show ( one year ago) and maybe on a few Christmas cards. But obviously, to my horror, he has associated Jesus and Santa with Christmas and thought they were the one and the same. Hopefully now we have been able to differentiate between them for him.

Saying goodbye

My grandfather's home sold recently and last monday he handed over the keys. I went over Monday morning to walk around the house and yard once more... remembering childhood games and sleepovers at granma's and granpa's. I sat outside in their peaceful garden beside their pool and wondered how to say goodbye. Knowing that saying goodbye to this place was also saying a final farewell to my grandmother who died 8 years ago.

An embrace.

Wholeness. Entirety.

A holding on. Tight.

Not letting go.

Closeness.

Imparting meaning.

An exchange of hearts.

Saying goodbye.

Leaving part of you behind.

How do you embrace a place?

Childhood memories?

Something so cherished.

Yet cannot be held.