When the dust settles...

It's been awhile since I have signed in. Life with two young boys keeps me pretty busy and when I do have a moment to myself I am just too tired to engage the brain!! So right now is a pretty rare moment these days.

Elisha is now 4 months old and has finally settled down somewhat. My days are easier with him - he now sends himself off to sleep which has released me from the physical burden of having to 'get him off to sleep' in whatever way I knew how. My secret was dancing with him but was awfully time consuming. I can now take him out in a pram (he didn't like the pram before) and he will fall asleep while at the shops. So this morning we had a lovely outing to Mt Druitt Westfield.

He loves watching his older brother and interacts with him beautifully - laughing at his antics (including being almost jumped upon!) He has been rolling for a couple of weeks and this last week has started pushing his knees up under his bottom. He is very smiley, talkative and giggles a lot. A real delight.

It was only a couple of weeks ago that I was in the thick of tears and tiredness. (Tiredness not gone away yet!! I will have to wait about 15years at least for that one!) Life has become a little more sane and I am feeling a little more human. I coped. I got through that particular hard time. My question is: Is coping enough? Why in the hardest times do we force ourselves to cope alone? Why do we so often isolate ourselves? I was completely isolated during that time with the exception of my mum and Adriaan. We have moved away from our old friends - I could have called someone, but didn't. It was too hard. I didn't want to burst into to tears over the phone and be that vulnerable to anyone. Why so often do people find out about our hard times after the event? Why are we so afraid to let people along side us in the darkness?

I would have loved some company. Someone to come round and just be with me for the day. Someone to take Caelan off my hands for a few hours. Someone to ring and say hi, how are you? But it's hard for people to do that, if they don't know. We are designed as relational beings. To be in relationship with each other and with our Creator. It is a comfort to know that despite the twisted state of our human relationships, the Author of life knows all, sees all. Nothing is hidden from him. He has sent his Counsellor to guide, strengthen and comfort. He was my helper during those trying months. I know that God is enough... that he will provide for every need. Yet, what an amazing tension exists in life... just like Adam in the garden of Eden... we are designed for human relationship too... it is not good for us to be alone.