One brief moment is enough...

When it comes to emergency situations there are generally two types of people ( so I am lead to believe). Those amazing people who can keep their cool, think clearly, not panic and bring wisdom and logic to the situation. And then there are those who just lose it, panic, go into shock, can't think straight or even talk straight!

I assume most people would like to think they would fit into the former category, at least to some extent. Nobody wants to be the one that panics and does irrational things. These are not what heroes are made of in the movies.

I have had only two experiences in my life which have led me to understand something of myself. As much as I find it irritating and frustrating, I fall into the latter category. The person whose brain gets muddled, to whom shock sets in immediately and their strength is sapped.

11 years ago my family was on one of our many trips exploring Australia. We were in SW Queensland, about 500km west of the coast. Having left the small town of Dirranbandi, we were headed to Lightening Ridge. Just after dusk, my father came out of a bend in the road and ploughed into at least 6 black angus cows. Amazingly, no one was hurt. Our Toyota troop carrier was written off after discovering a crack in the block of the engine. We killed at least two of the cows and their blood and faeces were all over the car.

I went into shock immediately. I kept repeating 'We hit cows, we hit cows, we hit cows.' It was quite an effort for my parents to ascertain from me that I wasn't hurt. I was completely useless in the situation.

There might be a mild hope for someone like me that when I am actually responsible for others - such as my own children, that I might be able to rise to the occasion. But now I am not so sure about that. Yesterday, I had one brief moment of thinking that one of my sons had been seriously injured and that was enough for me.

As Elisha lay on the floor happily playing, Caelan stepped over him (not unusual at all). I saw him do this out of the corner of my eye. All of a sudden, Elisha started wailing, I knew he was seriously hurt by his cry. I picked him up looking for what was causing his pain. Then I noticed the blood from the top of his ear where it joined his head. That was the brief moment of realisation that his ear had been torn from his head, as Caelan must have stepped on it.

There wasn't a huge amount of blood and surprisingly Elisha calmed down relatively quickly. But I started to go into mild shock. I couldn't control it. I think I knew it wasn't serious, but just the thought that something more serious could be or not knowing quite how deep the tear was. I rang Adriaan and the only words I could think to say was 'I think he's o.k. (pause). He's stopped crying now'. For quite awhile afterwards, I still felt my heart thumping and my body felt weak. I know it sounds pathetic. Maybe it is. I don't know. All I know is my reaction is virtually uncontrollable.

It is concerning to me that I might be the only one present for an emergency situation, especially with my boys. My only hope is that the rationale, calm and strength I need could be provided God. Here's hoping I could at least get them to the hospital safely.

I feel terrible for Lishi. We have taped his ear down to try and help the wound heal. As he is Mr Rolypoly in his cot, he keeps bending his ear back and reopening the wound. I still am not sure whether it might need a trip to the doctors for some glue, I'll try and work that out today.

Well, I suppose if you gain nothing else from this post, you now know not to call me in an emergency!