Stepping out

All is quiet at the moment as both boys sleep. They are both better - with just the residue cough and mucus still hanging around. For the first night in weeks, Elisha slept through till 5am. I was very grateful for a full nights sleep.

In the last few weeks I have done something quite bold and chosen to 'step out' of my comfort zone. I wanted to find a way to connect more with people around me in this neighbourhood. I have been wanting to lose weight for awhile, but have lacked motivation. I thought of joining a weight loss group but life is still too unpredictable with Elisha, let alone probably not being able to afford it. I know that it is much easier to lose weight with others. So I thought I might try and start my own.

I thought that this idea might just come to me and I would never get the guts to do anything about it, but somehow I did. I letterboxed the nearest 40 houses to me, with a letter asking others to join me on a weight loss journey. I got 5 responses. So on Wednesday nights at 8pm a few ladies come round to my house for about an hour and we chat about weight loss issues, set goals, encourage one another, keep a record of our weight and some of us are starting to walk together.

It's a bit of work on my part, doing research and preparing handouts and things to chat about during the night, but I am pumped about it. The dynamics of the group work really well and everyone is interacting . Having something in common to work towards together means the group has jumped over some of the inevitable barriers we face when we first get to know people. I think having to be vulnerable with one another (like others knowing what we weigh) means there is an element of trust built into the group which would not be there otherwise. The fact that we all live so close (in the same block) means endless possibilities of sharing each others lives.

I give all thanks God for knitting this together and giving me the idea in the first place. He has gone before me and just when I was getting discouraged with the group, thinking it wasn't going to work, he surprised me with something so beautiful beyond what I could have imagined for a first meeting! I am so thankful for his faithfulness. He has given Adriaan and I a vision of what our lives could look like when we live authentically with those around us. He has opened up a door to see some of that vision unfold. That this could be the seeds of God doing something great in this small community of everyday people.

Grrr...

I suppose it had to happen sooner or later. I am in the middle of experiencing what it is like to have 2 sick kids at once... and all I can say is GRRRRR....

Thankfully, neither I nor Adriaan are sick (yet). So that is one experience yet to be had. Caelan is coping o.k. and has been sleeping well with a little help of some dimetapp! Poor little Lishi, though. I was up a number of times with him and once for 1.5 hours - he was just plain miserable.

I probably don't need to write the obvious that mamma is tired.

Drinking deeply

...from the well of relationship. These days Sundays produce a deep satisfaction within me. Our church meets at a variety of homes and today it was at our place. 4 other people arrived around 11.30am and the last person left at 5pm. Once upon a time, a 5.5 hour church service would have been very hard to endure, but these days I could church with others for hours on end.

For those that are wondering what we do for 5.5hours in church... well it's quite simple. We gather at someone's house. We have coffee and nibbles, chat about our week, maybe sing a couple of songs, maybe read a story to Caelan and Elisha, have a loungeroom conversation about the Scriptures and the contours of our lives. We share stories, affirm one another, pray for one another. Caelan and Elisha get lots of cuddles from their adopted grandparents. We eat some great food together, drink some good wine, have more coffee with sweets. Chat some more; both the deep and significant as well as the humorous and insignificant. Finally everyone goes home. Pretty simple. No rocket science involved and to be honest not a whole lot of planning either. But with all the lack of program, agenda and structure emerges the most satisfying conversations and relationships that I have ever experienced in my 27years of church.

This is not to say that any of my previous relationships have never reached this level - but they were only ever occasional or glimpses. For this can only ever be the case when the focus of church is the one person up the front. In the past deeper relations occurred when we'd have someone over for a meal or at a church camp or when bible study went on a tangent into the deep contours of someone's life. So to share week by week focusing on one another as we meet over God's word is incredible.

What is so deeply satisfying? I have considered this question a lot. I think the answer is that we meet in a context where grace and freedom abound. No rules, no regulations, no meaningless traditions upheld for not offending the few. There is freedom to speak, to say something crazy and not be hollered down. To disagree or to challenge. Freedom to live our lives in our neighbourhood without feeling torn. Torn between attending church meetings or programs and having dinner with the neighbours next door. Freedom to even spend time with our neighbours instead of 'going to church'. Grace because in such a small group it has to be the centre. We can't just avoid the person we have hurt or don't like. There is no sense of having to measure up to a certain standard, certain model or type. Everyone fits, sane or insane, because grace abounds. Grace means it's ok to fail. Grace means that everyone can have a turn at bellringing (or you might know it as leading) instead of the reigns being tightly controlled out of fear that someone might say the wrong thing.

Please don't hear me wrong. This is in no way a perfect church. I suppose I paint this picture because it is so different to any experience I have had before. Although flawed and weak, we want to grow together. There is a sense in which we hold out a vision of what each person in the group could be. We encourage each other to grow into that space. To have the eye of faith for what could be . To dream. To think the impossible. To seek to bless this world with compassion, justice and good. To encourage each other as God's agents in bringing in his new creation.

The gospel has never been so big and so exciting (and a little bit scary). My concern for my community is no longer just about evangelising it and then feeling guilty cause I am not doing that real well. We encourage each other to see God's plan as bigger than just that. To see the world as God's project. We need to live now on behalf of that project. Making it a better place. To fill it with truth, integrity, goodness, compassion, grace, justice and love. Through these things our prayer is that our neighbour's will know the love and salvation of Jesus. That they too would join us on this amazing journey that God has placed before us.

Through the eyes of a child

What does life hold when viewing it from the perspective of a child? As adults, we can only imagine. It's very hard to go back to that space, after we've grown up and had life experiences which have given us both deep joy and deep grief. Kids see life simplistically. As a parent, it is refreshing to see little people view life this way, when ours seems overly complicated. So what are the things filling my boys' lives at the moment?

Caelan is presently 2years and 4 months. He is getting taller but not much heavier I suspect ( You need to eat to put on weight, right?)

Favourite activities: jumping and wrestling, running, playing with water (even if it's freezing cold), dancing and singing along with the wiggles, singing songs with actions, playing with trucks, cars, buses and trains, looking at the stars, making a cake with mummy.

Favourite food: This is a touchy subject. Caelan eats such a limited variety of food - however, he loves plain crackers and cheese.

Caelan adores other people. Whenever other children or adults are around he goes a little 'wild'. He loves our family and the people in our church. He often recites the lists of people that he loves to see and interact with.

Things I particularly love about Caelan: Although, a bit rough, I think he has a gentle soul. He is sensitive to feelings and gives lots of cuddles and kisses. Caelan is a people person. Easily giving kisses goodnight to people he has never met before, learning their names and asking about them the next day. Caelan has a musical bent - it's delightful to watch him learn songs, dance to just a beat without music and try all sorts of dance moves!

Elisha is 5 months old. He is a smaller boy but happy and healthy. He is only just moving into 00 clothes. At 4 months he was 6.4kg and 63cm long.

Favourite activity: Watching his older brother. Caelan plays 'boo' with him from behind the lounge. This always produces laughter in Elisha.

Favourite toy: at the moment seems to be his fist! He still doesn't hold onto much, but loves shoving his bib into his mouth.

Favourite food: Mummy's breastmilk of course! More to come on that in a month or so!

Things I have observed about Elisha: He doesn't sleep much during the day. Seems he might be a people person as well. Doesn't like to miss out on what is happening. He has 2-3 sleeps during the day. One will most likely be 1.5hrs and the others 45min. He is now sleeping better at night again - goes 8hours on average. He is very smiley and giggles a fair bit.

Best thing for Mummy: Both go to bed about 7pm. So most evenings I have some space to myself and with Adriaan. Yay for that!

Brothers

I didn't really have any expectations about what Caelan's and Elisha's relationship would look like at this stage. If I had given it any thought, I probably wouldn't have expected much - maybe some love and affection from Caelan but not that much from Elisha at 5months. How wrong I might have been!

I am astounded everyday at the relationship which is already alive and well between the two brothers. Caelan adores Elisha. He usually wakes up earlier than Elisha and says to me 'bubba wake?' I say 'No, bubba's asleep.' As soon as he hears Elisha, he runs into his room to greet him into the day. He smothers him with love and affection - always wanting to touch him, cuddle him, kiss him, teach him, roll on him, jump on him and of course - take his toys away! The other day Caelan was showing Elisha how to draw. He brought him some paper, which he placed on Elisha's lap and then put a pencil in his hand and moved his hand over the paper to draw. He has started wanting to read books to Elisha. I am told to sit Elisha up on the lounge so Caelan can look at a book with him.

Yesterday, Caelan stayed the night at his grandparents. In the morning he asked my mum 'Sha work?' Of course, work to Caelan is when you are absent from the home, so Elisha was clearly at work! When the two brothers were reunited at the end of the day, Caelan was estatic.

This is no one way relationship. Elisha adores his older brother. He watches him so closely. Elisha's face lights up in a special way whenever Caelan is around. Caelan does not have to work very hard to get a smile or laugh from Elisha. Caelan can do little wrong in Elisha's eyes. Even when Caelan is rolling over the top of him, Elisha thinks it is hilarious. How true is the saying in this instance 'It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye!'

I never expected to be so delighted in observing this precious relationship which cannot really be expressed in words. How I pray that this would continue as they grow together. I pray that 'macho' manhood would never be a substitute for the love that God instills in siblings at such an early age.